Breaking The Silence

One month ago, I sat and watched the news as Donald Trump was elected the 45th President of the United States of America. I woke up the next morning in a deep depression that has still not entirely lifted. Several times I tried to put my feelings into writing, with little success. I couldn't seem to find the sarcastic, quippy style that I generally enjoy. And it took me a month to figure out why.

This is not the time for sarcasm.

Now is not the time for silly little memes making fun of the size of his hands. It's not the time for late-night talk show monologues ridiculing the latest tweets. It's not the time for humor. It stopped being funny a month ago.

Now is the time for anger.

I find myself consumed by anger . I'm so angry I can barely stand it. I'm angry at everyone and everything that contributed to this despotic, repulsive excuse for a man being elected to the highest elected office in the country.

I'm angry at the DNC for rigging the primaries against Bernie Sanders. I'm angry at anyone who wrote in Bernie Sanders name on a ballot out of "protest". I'm angry at the media for being so obsessed with ratings that they completely overlooked the reasonable, sane candidates running for the Republican nomination.

 I'm angry with the Republicans for immediately kowtowing and boot-licking once the nomination was confirmed. You knew what he was. We heard you condemning him for months. But out of some warped sense of "party loyalty" you turned your back on the American people and let this happen. Saving your cushy seats in Congress was more important than defending common decency. You are the worst kind of hypocrites.

I'm angry with all the so-called Evangelicals that voted for him. You knew what he was. He is the worst kind of false Christian. But of course, defending freedom of religion is all-important. As long as it's your religion and your beliefs that are being upheld. You are the embodiment of false charity. The Bible says that "You will reap what you have sown". I hope it is bitter.

I'm angry at Fox News, Breitbart, RedState, and every other right-leaning news outlet for their relentless fear-mongering and condemnation of President Obama for the past eight years. Just admit to yourself that you would rather dance on the grave of America rather than allow a black Democrat to succeed. Different perspectives are a key component of a healthy Democracy. You aren't showing  different perspectives. You are deliberately and loudly spreading lies and hatred. You are an insult to your profession. You knew what he was. And you reveled in it. Have you no decency?

I'm angry at every single person I know that voted for him. To my family members who voted for him: I still love you. We are still family. But I'm having difficulty reconciling myself to the reality that you contributed to this ongoing nightmare. Because you knew what he was. In the beginning,you told me how ridiculous you thought he was. But somehow email scandals, fear, and hatred overruled common sense. You betrayed your own intelligence.

There is so much more that I could say. But at the end of the day, what does it achieve? Anger for the sake of anger itself does nothing except eat away at the person who bears it. So I'm not going to be angry anymore. It's simply not a productive state of mind.

Instead, I'm going to be active.

I now speak directly to Donald Trump, on behalf of anyone who has felt angry since the election.


To the President-Elect:

We are America. And we're pissed. We see you and we find you wanting. You are a malignant tumor on the soul of the country. You may think you've won. You haven't won shit. Wait and see. Because we're not just going to be angry. We're going to be active. We will do whatever it takes to stop you from dragging our country down. So every time you try to make America look more like the fascist, misogynist, racist, homophobic, Islamist dystopia that seems to be some kind of wet dream of yours, we'll be there. We will not be silent. We will resist.

If you try to round up immigrants and tear them away from their families, we'll be there. And we'll resist.

If you try to take away the right for a woman to make decisions about her own body, we'll be there. And we'll resist.

If you try to make America a less safe place for the LGBT community, we'll be there. And we'll resist.

If you ignore the needs of African-American communities and brush off their desperate desire to raise their families in peace, we'll be there. And we'll resist.

If you try to vilify the millions of peaceful Muslims contributing to American society, we'll be there. And we'll resist.

We are not going to be complacent. We will not stoop to your level. We will not spread lies, but truth. We will not encourage violence against those who disagree, but the free flow of information. In trickles or floods we will do everything we can to resist your poisonous agenda and maintain the core of American values. We do not fear you. But you should fear us. We will resist.

You've just been elected to the highest elected office in the United States. This position commands respect and dignity. Get off Twitter and go do your job. Stop making your cabinet look like you threw some darts at a Forbes list. Stop attacking anyone who disagrees with you. You duped a lot of people into thinking that you were going to "Make America Great Again". So get off your ass and go do it. You have this one, razor-edge chance to prove us wrong.

Next month, when you enter the White House, you will already have disgraced every, better man who stood there before you. You don't deserve to lay your head down in the White House. I hope you never get a decent night's sleep.





Feel free to share this. Don't give up. Don't give in.

-Ashley

#resist

Same-Same but Different. America vs Canada: Round 1

     From an outside perspective, it would seem that Canada and America are very similar countries. And they are. We have most of the same foods and entertainment. Our sports teams compete in the same leagues. We share the longest undefended border in the world.

Free entry for anyone willing to brave the bears!

     But once you scratch the surface, there exists a large gulf between us in terms of culture, national identity, and world perception. So why is that? We were both colonized by the British and the French. We have both participated in two World Wars. We’ve gained access to advances in technology in roughly the same time frame. So what’s the difference?

     Having lived in the Great White North for nearly two months, I’ve decided this makes me an expert. Not really, I know jack shit. So prepare yourself for some pretty rampant generalizations. And for those of you who know more than me (i.e. everyone) please feel free to tell me what I'm missing. Bitches gotta learn!

     In my opinion, the whole thing begins with the British. More specifically, the ways in which the two countries gained their sovereignty from the British Empire. Almost any grade school child in all of North America can more or less recite the story of the American Revolution. Rebels poured tea in a harbor. Paul Revere rode a horse. George Washington crossed a river. The French showed up to save our asses. Mel Gibson was in there somewhere. And a nation was born.

     But how many Americans know how Canada gained their independence?

     Quick summary: in 1867, Great Britain unified the Canadian colonies into one commonwealth so that they would be protected from the threat of the Yankees down south. Then, in 1960, Canada drafted its first Bill of Rights., followed by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms (their version of the constitution) in 1982. So only in 1982 did Canada finally sever its final ties to the British Parliament. And they are still a commonwealth of Britain. The queen is on their money and everything.

And whimsical forest creatures on the back!

Full disclosure: I had to Google all of that.

See anything missing? No Declaration of Independence. None of the “don’t tread on me” rhetoric that still remains a staple of the American psyche. And while there certainly were Canadian revolts and riots in opposition to British rule, from what I’ve researched they were few and far between.

And that makes a big difference. Americans seem to have this ingrained idea that we had to fight for our freedom, therefore we must always be vigilant in case someone comes along and tries to take that freedom away. And the fear rhetoric that is a staple of our media networks all seems to stem from this basic tenant.

Lookin’ at you Lumpy.

That sense of defensiveness just doesn’t seem to be as big a part of the national mindset in Canada. Yes, they’re aware of the fact that there are threats in the world. Yes, they intend to retaliate with force should anyone threaten their country. But it doesn’t really take up a large part of their day.

And while I fully realize I’m drawing conclusions like a toddler draws on a wall, it makes sense to me. Because a country being birthed by war versus a series of peaceful resolutions would certainly make a difference on the wider outlook of the citizens of that country.

Wouldn’t it?

I’m going to continue to ponder this idea. I’ll keep you posted.

Ashley, You've Just Moved to Canada, What Are You Going to do Next?!

"Wow Ashley, you've just decided to move to Canada. What are you going to do next?!"

"Why thank you  Mr. Invisible Reporter, it truly is an honor! Now I intend to...umm...uhhh..."

Well, shit.

I don't know how many of you have been through the process of immigrating or sponsoring a relative's immigration. I could go into a lot of long and tedious details, or I could sum it up for you in one sentence.

It's a massive pain in the ass.

The Canadian government is gearing up to dig its frozen nose into every aspect of my personal and professional life. They need a list of every single address I've had since I was nineteen. They need criminal background checks from every single country I've ever lived in. They need a lock of unicorn hair and a vial of puke from a baby angel.

Don't be deceived. She'll bite your fingers right off.

And that's fine. It'll work itself out. All it's going to take is time. So within one to two years, I should (knock on wood) have my Permanent Residency Visa. And I should be able to work even sooner, probably within six or seven months.

But until then, what in the world am I supposed to do with myself?

I've always been a "project" type of person. I like to set a specific time frame in which to complete a set of tasks, and then throw myself full-on into achieving that goal. This has always been one of the reasons why I love teaching so much. Report cards due in two weeks? Got it. Need to rehearse and perform a play with 30 nine-year-olds? Done. Plan a wedding in six months from 6000 miles away.?Gotta love a challenge.

But currently, it feels like everything has a giant To-Be-Determined sticker on it. I started researching the real estate market, but that isn't terribly useful until I know where we are going to end up. Ditto to the job market, since it's unlikely any of those jobs will still be open in May. I would love to do volunteer work at an animal shelter or something, but my lack of vehicular transportation combined with the exorbitant (seriously!) fees charged by public transportation make that a rough option. Sorry, but I can't spend $10 a day just to travel to a place and make no money.

So for now I'm just kind of spinning my wheels. Delving deeper into the depths of insomnia. Catching up on my reading.

Perhaps I'll learn to knit. Or scrapbook. Or begin the elusive hunt for unicorn hair. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

The Butterfly Effect

This is not a review of the twelve year old Ashton Kutcher movie. So if that's what you've come for, sorry to disappoint.

I believe there are certain times in a person's life where they sit and wonder where their life would be if they had just chosen path B instead of path A. If they had taken a gap year instead of going straight to university. If they had worked a little harder to get that internship. If they hadn't missed that flight. Where would they be now? Would life be better or worse off than it is now? What did they miss out on because they turned left instead of right at a certain intersection?

Last night around 2:00 am I couldn't sleep and that little voice in my brain woke up. That sinister little voice that lives in everyone and likes to sit and dwell on the what-ifs and if-onlys in your life. I started thinking about consequences. About what decisions I've made that have led me down a path that seems so widely diverged from that of the people I grew up with. Which of course in the typical fashion of "It's 2:00 am let's think of all the bad choices I've made in life" meant that I began dwelling on what my life would be like if I had chosen different options. If I had made the "right" decision instead of the "wrong" ones.

What if I had chosen a more practical degree than English Literature? What if I had gone to a liberal arts college instead of Iowa State? What if I had made better financial decisions and hadn't graduated university drowning in debt? What if I hadn't added to that debt by studying abroad?

What if?
What if?
What if?

The problem is that the "what if" questions of the world are:

a) useless until someone (cough Elon Musk) invents time travel
b) counterproductive in that worrying about the past does very little to solve the obstacles of the present
c) a false way of remembering things

What's important to remember is that every single choice I made back when I thought my life was spinning out of control led me to where I am today. I think everyone has a pivoting decision in their lives. A point of no return. Mine was probably the (at the time desperate) choice I made to leave America and go try my hand at teaching ESL. If I had had my shit together even the slightest bit it is unlikely that I would have ended up alone in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language, thrown in front of a classroom of children on my first day.

So I guess I have to thank past-Ashley. Thank her for screwing up sometimes. For taking that giant step into the unknown and getting on that plane. Because without her occasionally stupid ass, I wouldn't be who I am today. Not even a little bit.

So whenever that sinister little part of my brain whispers things like "Hey Ashley let's play a highlight reel of all the lowest moments of your life,"  I have to try not to give in to that temptation. To remember that decisions are rarely so black and white as to be "good" or "bad" . There are simply a thousand little choices that we make on a daily basis. And whenever I find myself confronted with insomnia late at night, it helps that I have my husband sleeping next to me. Knowing that a lifetime of highs and lows have led me here. Safe and loved. With a million learning experiences under my belt that I can hopefully impart onto my own children someday. And if that can't shut that stupid little voice up...well then his snores definitely can.

Confessions of a Political Masochist.

Warning: My mother taught me it was rude to discuss religion or politics at the dinner table. So if you are eating while you are reading this, stop now.

I said stop!

Okay fine, have it your way.

I have always been fascinated by the American political process. For years I've enjoyed debating at parties, at bars, and occasionally (against my mother's teachings) at the dinner table. I've always tried to understand both sides of an issue, reading every op-ed and political analysis I can find. I read everything from Al Jazeera to Fox News, trying to wrap my head around something as huge and multi-faceted as why people believe the things they do when presented with an election cycle. And I'm one of those strange individuals who find these sorts of activities to be highly entertaining.

Fun at the circus!

There's just one problem. It's not fun anymore. I'm in an abusive relationship with politics.

Congratulations, 2016. You've killed my political hard-on.

Somewhere around "grab them in the pussy", I just started feeling vaguely nauseated by this entire election season. And I wasn't even so much sickened by the actions of the man who spoke those words (We knew what he was. Was anyone terribly surprised?) No. It was when I watched the news and women, women were defending this kind of behavior. Saying that it's somehow justified because women enjoy reading 50 Shades of Gray, or listening to raunchy lyrics in a Beyonce song. Saying that certain candidates are welcome to grab their pussy.

Now I could go on for days about the difference between sexual assault and a woman owning her own sexuality or giving consent for kinky sex. But I just don't have the energy. The fight has gone out of me. Because no one is listening.

And I could try to explain how dangerous and un-democratic it is to claim that an election is rigged before it's even over. I could attempt to draw comparisons between things that a certain candidate is saying, and the precarious edge that they are walking between being inflammatory and fanning the flames of violence. But there's no point. Because no one is listening. Their minds are made up.

People have chosen their demagogue. They've chosen their wall and their hatred. We are reaping the results of entertainment-driven media combined with the racism and misogyny that are still thriving in America. And the horrifying reality is that no matter who wins the White House three weeks from now, our country's collective spirit has been beaten to the ground.

And people you shout "Well you're just biased!". Maybe that's true. It's difficult to identify one's own bias. I'm not exactly enthused by the alternative to the aforementioned candidate. That's part of the problem. How did we get to a place where the two people running for the highest office in the nation are so uniformly despised?

But even now I can't bring myself to just burn my bridges and walk away. There's too much at stake. And I still live abroad, where I am constantly being asked to explain what the actual fuck is going on.

So tonight I'll sit down and watch the final presidential debate. With a bottl

e (read "box") of wine. Because as painful as the last few months have been, I can't stop myself from hoping that I'm wrong. That as beaten, bruised, and broken as I think a lot of people are feeling about this presidential race, we'll somehow find a way to once again find common ground. No matter how much it hurts, I'll keep coming back for more.

Anyway. That was kind of depressing. Here's a picture of a kitten in a bowtie to cheer you up.

                                  


-Ashley

I'm Back Bitches!

Hey there! How's it going? Haven't seen you in years! Family doing okay? Great...that's just...great. Anyway...

I found a link to my rarely used blog linked to my rarely used Twitter account. Once I got through trying to remember when and why I ever registered for a Twitter account, I decided to take a journey back and look at my old blog.

My last post was in 2011. Two thousand and eleven. Jesus Christ a lot has happened in five years. Five years ago I was wondering whether or not President Obama would get re-elected (spoiler: he did) and I was sleeping in my best friend's living room while I waited for my working holiday visa to come in from Australia.

Since then, I've lived in three more countries, visited a dozen more, eaten a bunch of tacos, and finally got around to watching the final season of How I Met Your Mother (spoiler: it sucked). There was something else too...something important. Crap, what was it?

Oh yeh, I got married!

MARRIAGE!

And moved to Canada.

CANADA!

And am currently living with my newly acquired in-laws until my newly acquired husband and I can find a place to live.

CURRENTLY UNATTAINABLE!

Oh, and because I shall shortly begin the process for permanent residency, I'm not legally allowed to work until Canada says so. Which is proving to be a bit of a problem.

You see, I've been steadily employed since I was sixteen years old. Often with multiple jobs. So all of a sudden I'm finding myself with an abundance of spare time. But not the really cool, "Okay I don't have to work let's go to a three day rock concert" spare time. More like the, "I would love to go to dinner with my husband but instantly regret going out to dinner with my husband because we currently have no income" kind of spare time.

So I've been learning a few lessons on how to keep myself entertained. I've baked a lot of deliciously unhealthy things. I've taken walks through the woods. I've re-watched all six seasons of Downton Abbey (spoiler: it's delightfully British).

So I've decided to give this another go. Totally stole the idea from my old friend Jessica Moore. Who has a totally awesome blog that you should totally check out because she has three beautiful daughters and her life is more interesting than mine.

On this blog you can expect to see:

1) Thoughts and observations on the differences between Canadian and American culture.
2) Bored rants
3) Angry rants
4) Weepy rants
5) Rants about potatoes

Okay, maybe not that last one so much.

On this blog you can expect NOT to see:

1) Fashion advice - I have none
2) Conspiracy theories about aliens coming to Earth to steal our left socks. They'll abduct me again if I blow their cover.
3) Makeup advice - I wear none
4) Videos of me doing random and weird things for the sake of being random and weird.


So there you have it. Give me a shout-out if you enjoy, as I'm terribly insecure and need to be loved.

See ya soon.

-Ashley